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My sisters, we need to talk

/ 9:03 AM


Yesterday while scrolling on Instagram in the middle of transitioning in work, I saw a post that caught my eye. Lets be clear, it caught my eyes then influenced me to roll them....HARD.

I need ya'll to understand how bullshit this statement is..



We need to get away from this mentality that black women cannot feel or else the world will cease to move. Too much responsibility is on us and this statement implies that unlike our counterparts we are not allowed to FEEL or have FEELINGS much less embrace them with actions like crying. I was weakest when I was in spaces where I had to "suck it up" and not show emotion. I believed it instead of understanding that those people were truly not safe spaces and were simply afraid of what happens when you are connected to your soul and what happens when you listen to your soul crying out how much power you release when you answer. Stop encouraging the silencing of black women and our pain. Stop encouraging and praising black women being in a state of chaos instead of sitting with herself and obtaining peace. Stop reinforcing the toxicity that KILLS our spirits, minds, and hearts. Stop praising the rhetoric of how loyal we black women are to everyone but our own selves. Stop praising black women for loving black men that don't love us and protect us back. Stop stifling yourself and other black women, instead give your sister and yourself the space to take the weight of the fucking world off of her shoulders so she can love on and heal herself. We cannot raise healthy, stable, secure and confident daughters when we are still concealing open wounds, projecting our unstable, insecure thoughts and intentions on ourselves and our sisters. 



"Its Not about you anymore, its about your children." 


First off your grandmother and your mother is wrong and if they tell you this hang up on them and let them know I told you to do it, I will gladly take the heat. It is still about you, in fact its about you even more now because you are a mother. My colleague made a great point Monday as I cried into her arms over my ongoing situation as she told me straight up, "If you are not taken care of emotionally, spiritually and physically then neither are your children." Just because you have children together doesn't mean you need to be together. Black women pride ourselves on pouring into every one but ourselves. That's not healthy and its not cute. Looking back, I wish my mother would've taken those trips with her girlfriends or left my sister and I with my father because she needed not to mention EARNED the time she needed to herself. 

I have boundaries when it comes to my children's fathers and my needs. I have and continue to make it very clear that being a mother is a round the clock job and I need days and weekends to myself as well. In the beginning I felt guilty as hell for having two weekends out of the month to myself and one day a week but I NEED THAT. I need that time to be alone, to cry, binge on junk food, watch movies, go out with my friends whatever makes me feel good and will help me recharge. Yes your life is your child(ren) but you do not have to give up living just because thats what the beautiful black women did before us. Having that space between my children and I who are just as vibrant as me gives me time to miss this and unpack things that I believe stand in the way of me being a great mom. Plus, hell moms should be able to sleep in regardless of whatever age their children are. Sending your child away with their father,  trusted friend or family member will not make them resent you and it will not make you a bad mother, just a refreshed and relaxed one. 

"You just have to give him time, be patient with him. He will change, thats just how men are."



Uh, first off if you're in your twenties like me the consensus is whatever he is doing that is hurting you is this: We are too fucking old and you deserve better. Stop letting these men tear you down for the fact of calling yourself loyalty. Why does someone have to tear you down to realize how much more you are worth? Do not accept that. Black women don't owe anyone, especially men shit. We've paid our debts and we have every right to be loved and treated and respected just like the non-black women so often placed higher than us. There are enough beautiful black men out here that will not manipulate you or take from you emotionally. Decide what are your non-negotiables and stick to them. If Tyrone can't get out the car, knock on the door and open your car door for you then you don't need to be going out with Tyrone. Simple. No more doing the work for the men, let them do the work and show you how much you are worth to them. Loyalty is earned and as far as I'm concerned one-sided. I felt guilty for deciding to date a year after I had a split from my ex and he made sure I felt the guilt. Yet, for men we are constantly told we cannot question their intentions and their actions when we are not around. No thank you. You are single until he asks and is reciprocating loyalty, love and monogamy. simple. Your mental health and your heart is priority, no more jeopardizing that for men who don't even care to call you to see how your day was. 
I'm saying all of this to say,

We deserve better and we need to start giving ourselves better. Cry, scream, fall the fuck apart if you need to. Black women BEND Not Break. Trust me, your soul, your heart and your mind will thank you for finally taking that uncomfortable ass mask off. You can FEEL and get shit done. You think Oprah got to where she was by masking her pain and trauma especially as a sexual assault survivor? uhhh, I think the fuck not. Lemonade is the shit because Beyonce, a bomb ass black queen and powerhouse came out and told ya'll, I've been falling apart, standing strong, telling this nigga I'm not putting up with his shit and he better get it together or I'm out and I'm still going to be bomb. They gave themselves space to feel so they could be elevated. Sit with yourself sis, you need it. The world needs you WHOLE. Not broken and giving from an empty ass cup. Pour into your best girlfriends, children and man and tell them to do so unto you.

Last but not least,
Beloved, I assure you that crying for ten minutes will get you further and more shit will get done than if you shelter your hurt and resent while faking the funk. Sincerely, 
Your sister that is still healing and learning to trust herself too.

P.S. I wrote this post listening to CTRL by SZA best album to heal and feel too if you're in your 20somethings like me. 

Leave some love and light below. 
#IllBeInTouch



Yesterday while scrolling on Instagram in the middle of transitioning in work, I saw a post that caught my eye. Lets be clear, it caught my eyes then influenced me to roll them....HARD.

I need ya'll to understand how bullshit this statement is..



We need to get away from this mentality that black women cannot feel or else the world will cease to move. Too much responsibility is on us and this statement implies that unlike our counterparts we are not allowed to FEEL or have FEELINGS much less embrace them with actions like crying. I was weakest when I was in spaces where I had to "suck it up" and not show emotion. I believed it instead of understanding that those people were truly not safe spaces and were simply afraid of what happens when you are connected to your soul and what happens when you listen to your soul crying out how much power you release when you answer. Stop encouraging the silencing of black women and our pain. Stop encouraging and praising black women being in a state of chaos instead of sitting with herself and obtaining peace. Stop reinforcing the toxicity that KILLS our spirits, minds, and hearts. Stop praising the rhetoric of how loyal we black women are to everyone but our own selves. Stop praising black women for loving black men that don't love us and protect us back. Stop stifling yourself and other black women, instead give your sister and yourself the space to take the weight of the fucking world off of her shoulders so she can love on and heal herself. We cannot raise healthy, stable, secure and confident daughters when we are still concealing open wounds, projecting our unstable, insecure thoughts and intentions on ourselves and our sisters. 



"Its Not about you anymore, its about your children." 


First off your grandmother and your mother is wrong and if they tell you this hang up on them and let them know I told you to do it, I will gladly take the heat. It is still about you, in fact its about you even more now because you are a mother. My colleague made a great point Monday as I cried into her arms over my ongoing situation as she told me straight up, "If you are not taken care of emotionally, spiritually and physically then neither are your children." Just because you have children together doesn't mean you need to be together. Black women pride ourselves on pouring into every one but ourselves. That's not healthy and its not cute. Looking back, I wish my mother would've taken those trips with her girlfriends or left my sister and I with my father because she needed not to mention EARNED the time she needed to herself. 

I have boundaries when it comes to my children's fathers and my needs. I have and continue to make it very clear that being a mother is a round the clock job and I need days and weekends to myself as well. In the beginning I felt guilty as hell for having two weekends out of the month to myself and one day a week but I NEED THAT. I need that time to be alone, to cry, binge on junk food, watch movies, go out with my friends whatever makes me feel good and will help me recharge. Yes your life is your child(ren) but you do not have to give up living just because thats what the beautiful black women did before us. Having that space between my children and I who are just as vibrant as me gives me time to miss this and unpack things that I believe stand in the way of me being a great mom. Plus, hell moms should be able to sleep in regardless of whatever age their children are. Sending your child away with their father,  trusted friend or family member will not make them resent you and it will not make you a bad mother, just a refreshed and relaxed one. 

"You just have to give him time, be patient with him. He will change, thats just how men are."



Uh, first off if you're in your twenties like me the consensus is whatever he is doing that is hurting you is this: We are too fucking old and you deserve better. Stop letting these men tear you down for the fact of calling yourself loyalty. Why does someone have to tear you down to realize how much more you are worth? Do not accept that. Black women don't owe anyone, especially men shit. We've paid our debts and we have every right to be loved and treated and respected just like the non-black women so often placed higher than us. There are enough beautiful black men out here that will not manipulate you or take from you emotionally. Decide what are your non-negotiables and stick to them. If Tyrone can't get out the car, knock on the door and open your car door for you then you don't need to be going out with Tyrone. Simple. No more doing the work for the men, let them do the work and show you how much you are worth to them. Loyalty is earned and as far as I'm concerned one-sided. I felt guilty for deciding to date a year after I had a split from my ex and he made sure I felt the guilt. Yet, for men we are constantly told we cannot question their intentions and their actions when we are not around. No thank you. You are single until he asks and is reciprocating loyalty, love and monogamy. simple. Your mental health and your heart is priority, no more jeopardizing that for men who don't even care to call you to see how your day was. 
I'm saying all of this to say,

We deserve better and we need to start giving ourselves better. Cry, scream, fall the fuck apart if you need to. Black women BEND Not Break. Trust me, your soul, your heart and your mind will thank you for finally taking that uncomfortable ass mask off. You can FEEL and get shit done. You think Oprah got to where she was by masking her pain and trauma especially as a sexual assault survivor? uhhh, I think the fuck not. Lemonade is the shit because Beyonce, a bomb ass black queen and powerhouse came out and told ya'll, I've been falling apart, standing strong, telling this nigga I'm not putting up with his shit and he better get it together or I'm out and I'm still going to be bomb. They gave themselves space to feel so they could be elevated. Sit with yourself sis, you need it. The world needs you WHOLE. Not broken and giving from an empty ass cup. Pour into your best girlfriends, children and man and tell them to do so unto you.

Last but not least,
Beloved, I assure you that crying for ten minutes will get you further and more shit will get done than if you shelter your hurt and resent while faking the funk. Sincerely, 
Your sister that is still healing and learning to trust herself too.

P.S. I wrote this post listening to CTRL by SZA best album to heal and feel too if you're in your 20somethings like me. 

Leave some love and light below. 
#IllBeInTouch

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I think I can speak for many black women, myself included on how stressful it can be growing up as a black girl. At age 25, I realize I'm still facing some things from my childhood and teenage years that are hindering me becoming a better woman. To be a black girl and woman in this country is draining. We are constantly being observed, poked and prodded for our mental, emotional and most importantly physical state. We don't realize that the room we give ourselves (black people) to be free and experience life as they see fit is small but the room for black girls and women is even smaller. 

My passion in conflict resolution is to bring together our community and work together as we heal, teach and learn to love one another. My passion lies further into creating safe spaces for black children, especially black and brown girls to be who they want to be. For them to show and communicate emotion,  and to become human again as they once were before they were old enough to have their own experiences with people. The work that I do calls for me to be restorative not just with other adults and children but with myself, my family and my children specifically. 

So imagine my surprise last week, when my oldest daughter Tatiyana sent me a video of her riding her bike successfully as my mother cheered her on. I felt so proud I thought my heart would burst. I instantly thought back to when I, at age 7 learned how to ride my bike (my amazing sister taught me.) I remember the joy I felt, the freedom and thinking about how much fun I was going to have riding up down different alleys, the wind blowing through my ballies and barrettes. Then I got sad, because I thought about how in this day and age black girls are constantly facing more threats than black boys at home, in their neighborhoods and their schools and how the only way my daughter could feel that freedom is as long as I'm outside and she's in my eyesight. Simply because the fear of someone taking her or worse, being assaulted by a police officer who thought she was older or agressive is stronger than the desire to let her truly feel that freedom i felt. 

To put things into perspective a report published in 2014 by the National Women's Law Center (NWLC) addresses the wide discipline gap created in the school system between girls of color and their white counterparts. To date, black girls are 5.5 times more likely to be suspended than their white counterparts and 3 times more likely to be suspended than black boys (NWLC, 2014). They make up 18% of the U.S. school system, yet 35% percent of the law referrals and 31% of school based arrests. Thats 29% higher than their white counterparts. The reason for suspension? 'willful defiance' which is coded language for they were being "loud", "aggressive" or "threatening." which are characteristics typically assigned to black girls and women. This is problematic for many reasons including the girls missing school, being alienated from their class and also become more at risk to being entered into the justice system (school to prison pipeline.) 


We see the impacts of rape culture on black girls because we experience puberty faster. Black women are associated with voluptuous assets and so our girls yet again face the issue of policing and body shaming for wearing clothing deemed "too short" or "revealing" that their white counterparts wear and are accepted. This idea that black women and girls must live a life of modesty whether intentional or not to assimilate into the standards of western feminism (which is centralized in white womanhood.) This is also an indicator of our value and innocence *eye roll*. 

Another report recently released by Georgetown Law this past June, presents data on Black girls seen less innocent and more adult-like than their white peers. Black girls specifically between the ages of 5-14 are believed to need less nurturing, protection, know more about adult topics and to "know more about sex" the researched was gathered based on a survey given to 325 adults of different racial and ethnic backgrounds. As a black woman and as a black mother this is troubling because I see my sweet baby as a beautiful angel curious and ever growing in this cruel world, adults who are supposed to protect, teach and love her in my absence project onto her the image of a young sexual, deviant prowess. That scares me. 

While some of this information is new much of it is not as these assumptions and biases are rooted in slavery and white supremacy , I wonder if we as black girls and women will ever be able to get to a place where we can be vocal without being labeled angry, demand space without being labeled aggressive, love our bodies without them being sexualized and monitored. Most importantly, be able to learn, grown and experience what it means to be a child without having that taken away.
I say all of this to say, black girl love on yourself today. Love on another black girl today. We need it. Most importantly, we need each other.
Drop some love below.
I'll be in touch 


 
Merriam Webster Dictionary defines vulnerability as "Capable of being wounded" and "open to attack or damage." It also says that weakness is "the inability to withstand attack or damage." Brené Brown, MSW, Ph.D says "One could argue that weakness often stems from a lack of vulnerability- when we don't acknowledge how and where we're tender, we're more at risk of being hurt.( Daring Greatly)" Okay Barb, cool shit..what are you getting at?

Let me explain.

A few months ago I had a huge breakdown in the middle of my bedroom floor. It was UGLY. I was crying, screaming, gurgling, face was hot and I was shaking uncontrollably. Where were the girls? Right there, my oldest daughter helping the youngest get dressed. All of this was the result of dealing with finishing graduate school, suppressing MANY emotions which include guilt, shame, overwhelm, emptiness, anxiety, etc. etc., being on bad terms with my youngest daughters dad and my laundry list is endless.

My mother burst into the room because she didn't know what was going on. She looked at me strangely and the first thing she did (out of panic, fear and because it is engrained in us) was yell, "Get up! The girls are looking at you! What kind of example are you setting for them?!" Uhm, mom hello...the one where I have a kid at 16 finish high school, go to college, have another kid then beast graduate school..duh, thats the kind of example I'm setting. I didn't answer with that though, instead I said in between my gasps for air, tears and snot I said "I cannot right now! Everything is too much and everything and everyone is suffocating me!" I wasn't lying. School, motherhood, work, being a black woman there was a lot of shit happening that I couldn't grasp.
As we like to call it in the conflict management/resolution field, interrole conflict. Interrole conflict is when the needs of all of the roles a single person plays overlap. When you experience this conflict you A.) exhaust yourself by working tirelessly to meet the needs of all your roles, B.) ignore them and act like everything is fine while you enjoy a cup of tea in a room engulfed in flames or C.) breakdown in the middle of wherever you are no matter who is around because physically you can't handle everything that is now coming up against your will emotionally.  As well all can see, I chose C.

"Well right now you don't have a choice! Suck it up, it is what it is and do what you need to do!" I got up 10 minutes later, washed my face, apologized to the girls and remained on autopilot for the rest of the day. Later on that night I thought about the interaction between my mother and I and the girls and myself. I asked myself four questions:

1. Am I horrible or human for breaking down in front of the girls.
2. What kind of message did I send to Tatiyana?
3. Do I want to learn to embrace my emotions or escape them?
4. Doesn't she care enough to ask whats wrong and be here for me?

Asking myself those three questions led to bigger questions:

Why aren't black mothers allowed to break when they have been bent beyond their comfort and control?

Why are black mothers and ultimately black females as a group not allowed to be soft? 

To answer my first question, initially I thought I was horrible and a bad person for being so emotional in front of my children (How dare I be human?!) Then I realized I was reacting humanly and that its okay to see that I had been wounded because it means that all along in order to better myself at school, work, with my children I had to understand the risk associated with that, vulnerability. 
Secondly, the message that I think I sent to Tatiyana was, "mommy isn't perfect, I f*ck up, I'm doing the best I can but the sometimes the world still brings you to your knees, literally." Most importantly, I was telling her no matter what society or your mother tells you, you have a divine right to your emotions and taking a minute to acknowledge that you don't have to be strong all the time. Even if it means being perceived as weak. I was weak for not asking for  help, I was weak for being resentful of those who did not understand the struggles that I face daily with taking care of two children alone. I was weak for thinking that I could do everything on my own. That was the message I sent her.


I know that embracing my emotions will help me long term versus escaping them and having them catch up to me like they did that day on my bedroom floor. So yes, I did which required me to turn my focus inward and look at all the things that I have done that got me there (toxic behavior in my romantic relationship, doubling up on coursework, forgetting important dates/carrying for my children, etc.) most importantly, the suppression of my emotions and my unfair expectation for important people in my life to become vulnerable at MY request and not their comfort.

My mother cares, without a doubt. Growing up in the south during Jim Crow era, basically raising her seven younger siblings she had to learn to suppress her wants and needs for her siblings. That also included her emotions, but thats the narrative for black women. We are conditioned to believe that we have to be strong, nothing can penetrate the force field we created. Our children, our spouse, no one can see that we break. When we want security we (myself included)  fail to articulate it because many of us come from homes where we keep what happens wherever it happens without fully acknowledging the hurt or trauma and the emotions that come with it.
Black mothers "aren't allowed" to break because we have been programmed to believe that showing emotion which is to be vulnerable is weak. Motherhood is not for the weak and black women are not weak. So we pack up our emotion which brings on shame and we project what we believe are our shortcomings out on things and sometimes people. As Brené says, guilt is I did something bad and shame is I am bad or simply I am not worthy...

I am still a work in progress. I am unpacking years of hurt and trauma, sitting with it and using it to tell my story but not define me. I am allowing it to reshape for the better how I think and how I see myself and others. I am changing how I love and focusing on what I've done and how to make things right. I am no longer seeking outside validation, I seek connection but I am becoming so grounded in who I am and who I can be that even rejection from potential connection will not take any value from me. I am enough. I. AM. ENOUGH. So are you and don't @ me on it either.

This is a vulnerable moment for me because whenever I speak with people they say, "You're so bomb!" "So many of our peers look up to you!" "You have it going on!" and on the outside I smile and say thank you but on the inside I'm screaming "NO I DON'T, I WAS ALMOST LATE FOR WORK, MY ROOM IS A MESS, JAHARA WON'T FALL ASLEEP BEFORE 10 PM AND I JUST WANT TO TAKE A DAMN BREATH WITHOUT A CHILD HANGING OF MY F*CKING SHIRT!" I wanted to tell everyone how the last half of 2016 and beginning of 2017 I cried myself to sleep, wallowing in sadness and fighting the gremlins in my head that was so confident and sure of my worthlessness.  But I didn't for fear of being judged labeled a bad mother or worse, weak. Weak because I'm human and I too need moments to myself to process where I am and redefine boundaries for who I am and how my roles come into play.

So in light of my breakdown what could I have done differently?
Talked to Tatiyana afterwards and explained as best I could that sometimes mommy can't do it all even when she thinks she can. Reiterated to her that emotions are great and you have every right no matter what society says to be soft. That strength is not in avoiding emotion but understanding, embracing and control how you react to things. Tell her that is weak to walk around as if you are invincible because the pain is four times worse than just acknowledging and sitting with it for awhile.


Now looking back and talking to my mother she said to me, "Sometimes I wish I had the courage you have when you both were younger. I don't blame anyone but myself for not fighting for me and demanding my space in my house and work. At first I didn't understand but I see how great of a mother you are because you take all of your hats off and just are who you are, mothers need that. Black women need that. You define your roles, you don't let them define you."

I want my mother to know I wouldn't have loved her any less (I am CRAZY about my mom) if she  set boundaries between who she is as a person and who she is as a mother.  I learned from her still and she's successful because I am seeing and choosing not to walk down that dangerous past. Mothers are not perfect and we are constantly building upon the many mothers in our family that came before us.

I say all of this to say, its okay to ask for help. Its okay to tap out for a few minutes. Its okay to fall apart in front of our children, it is a chance to show them that you are human and you hurt like everyone else. You can be strong and vulnerable, take these opportunities and embrace them because your children will learn how to cope with life from you. Am I saying to break down in front of your children all the time? No. I do make it a point now to share my day with my children when we speak about theirs so they can connect to me, learn empathy and can say "mommy has feelings and her feelings need love too."


To the others that are reading, sit down and talk to a mocha mom you know. Ask her what she needs, physically, emotionally and mentally. Give her a break. Basketball can wait sometimes fellas ( I know ball is life LOL) but your superhero needs a moment in her telephone booth. Be there for her and if she can't tell you what she needs listen to her when she's speaking. Watch for change in tone, volume and her physical expression.

After all, mommies, Mocha moms especially just want to be heard.

Comment section is as always open to all.

I hope my vulnerability will help you explore yours.

Light and Love


Hey ya’ll! I know  I have some splainin’ to do! I fell off! With good reason though!

So the good news is, ya girl finally has her Masters! To say I’m not excited, relieved and feeling myself would be lying to you all and I just cant do that! It feels so good to be done with school and most importantly in BOTH of my desired fields! Thats right Mochamoms, I was offered a new job two weeks before graduation! I can only thank God and Divine order for that.


I turned 25! Even better was that I turned 25 in Jamaica! It was beautiful, peaceful and I got to spend it with two of my bestfriends. I couldnt have asked for a better graduation/birthday gift.

How are the girls?
They’re great. Taking advantage of summer and all of this freetime that mommy now has.
I promise I’m back. For good this time. 
Initially when I started this blog I wanted to make sure I touch on everything that moms of color go through. As students, mothers, friends, etc. I have only been scratching the surface until now.. I believe in transparency and I have somethings I would like to share and I know I’m not alone when it comes to the triumphs and challenges of motherhood and what it is like to be a mom of color. I also want to hear from you, what do you want me to talk about MillyMocha? Let me know..

#IllBeInTouch
Hey #MillyMochas! How is March going for you? Getting anything done? I hope so! Well, like most mommies I have bags, stretch marks and just a lot of things that comes with the territory. While I always preach about taking care of yourself I never quite gave you guys any of my favorite beauty products that helps me get by! I'll be 25 in June *sighs* and I decided last year that it will be worth  while to create a consistent skin care routine because the better you treat your skin, the better it will treat you! I have oily skin, so from the beginning of my skin care routine, I try to use products that will minimize pores and create a barrier from my skin becoming super oily through out the day.
 Here are my top skin care items:

1. Face wash



Detoxifying Black Cleanser by Boscia, $10.00- Sephora.
 Lately, there have been a lot of charcoal facial washes that help with keeping oil at bay and minimizing pores. This face wash by Boscia does the trick! Bonus points because it heats up when you rub it on your face.  It does the job without leaving dry patches. A little goes a long way and I wash my face with this morning and evening.


                      Garnier SkinActive Clean+ Shine Control Cleansing Gel 
by Garner, $5.69- Amazon, Target and Ulta.
This is definitely my ultimate favorite! One bottle lasted me a long time. It took me a long time to find it after I ran out of it and thats how I stumbled on my Boscia. I actually use both and I actually travel with the Garnia, just because the weather and climate in different areas seem to make my skin more oily and this always does the trick in mattifying and keeping away shine.



2. Toner

A lot of people don't use toner, mainly because they don't know the purpose of it. Toner is good for an extra cleanse after washing your face or a quick freshen up through the day. It's especially good for oily and acne prone skin. 

Tea Tree Water Toner by Lush USA, $10.95-Lush
Ya'll. This toner is EVERYTHING. 
I've made it a habit to not wear as much makeup and since I have made that decision this toner holds. me. down.  It's made with tea tree, juniper berry and grapefruit water. Its a good part of the morning as  the cold toner on my face is a good wakeup. In order to preserve the ingredients its recommended to be refrigerated. 

3. Eye Cream

#MillyMochas LISTEN, this is important! Especially if you have raccoon eyes (dark circles) and puffiness (#NoSleepCauseImWritingMyCapstonePaper Woot! Woot!). Eye creams are good for reducing dark circles and puffiness. I use two, one for morning and one for at night. 

Garnier SkinActive Clearly Brighter Anti-Puff Eye Roller by Garnier, $8.89- Target

I use this eye roller in the morning and it does give you instant results! I love how cold it is and it helps with waking up. I did notice that after two weeks my dark circles were lighter and that much of the puffiness I experience when I first wake up decreased a ton. Even if I am just doing a quick run and forego my facial cleanses I still put this under my eyes to at least give the appearance of having sleep while it works on my dark circles and eye puffiness.



I use this baby at night after I wash and apply my toner and this eye cream definitely is one for the books! "Infused with Lavender Essential Oil, Hyaluronic & Hydroxy Acids, it renews, firms and even reduces the appearance of wrinkles. Now go ahead and recharge skin while you sleep" This cream is definitely underrated and I can't sleep at night without applying it! 


4. Moisturizer


Okay, moisturizer is very tricky! Moisturizer for my skin specifically have to have a certain balance. Too greasy and by the end of the day you'll end up looking you went to a spa that does KFC facials. Find a moisturizer without enough essential oils and you'll just be oily with dry patches. #YUCK


Even if you don't have acne prone skin, I highly recommend this if you have oily skin! The little bottle lasts and this is another 'little goes along way' item that I stick by! One pump usually does the trick. 

Weekly face Masks:


Just know how much I love you all because I'm sharing the secret to keeping my face so A1 outside of these products! So twice a week, I make a face mask. 

Here is my secret tip, Indian Healing Clay A.K.A. Bentonite Clay I mix this with unfiltered Apple Cider Vinegar and apply it for twenty minutes, twice weekly! The benefits of the mask are: Draws out toxins, treats acne, prevents blackheads and evens out skin tone which is a plus if you have an uneven skin tone like someone like me. Some people mix it with water and some actually squeeze out lemon juice and mix it with that. I highly recommend the ACV or lemon juice. You can also place it in your hair as a hair mask! 

WARNING: if you have any piercings on your face, do NOT place the mask on it. It WILL close the hole as the Aztecs used this to treat open wounds and heal scars! I found that out the hard way this past Saturday. 

So, there you have it ladies! My secret to making it look like I have it all together even though underneath I'm tired As F*ck! 

What are your favorite beauty products? 

Comment below! 

#IllBeInTouch

Hey Mommies! 

Well..how did February go? Did you get any of your goals done? I know I did! I got a good three out of my five goals done! Not bad right?! 
This month  is a big month. I always say that March is a huge transition month. March is the month where the remnants of last year truly die off and we begin to enter into new things. Let that sink in #MillyMochas. New Things. As mommies (and sister mommies) we all get into routine. Up at 6 A.M. Out the house by 7:45 to pick up your Starbucks mobile order, drop the kids off by 8:30 and at work by 8:55. Complete work, leave work, run some errands, pick the kids up, come home, cook dinner, prepare for next day. Rinse Wash Repeat. I don't know about you mommies but, its more exhausting being in a routine than out of one. This month is especially crazy for me, I'm writing my capstone *watches two strands of hair turn gray and three fall out*, completing my internship, preparing for Cuba AND trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do in 8 weeks when I am finished with school. 

Thank God for my Apple Watch that reminds me every hour to BREATHE because who knows what section of Shepard Pratt I would be in at this point. My patience is thinner than Agent Orange wig ya'll and I feel that this month especially is important to keep up on EVERYTHING in your life that has a timeline or needs evaluation. 
In order to survive March, the month of transition we need to make sure we practice self-care. Take care of your mental so you can complete your studies. Nobody deserves to be subjected to your 40 page paper filled with typos and HELP ME THE BABY KEEPS DELETING MY WORK fragmented sentences. One thing I have learned to do is take either of my MacBooks with me wherever I go. I mostly take my air because it is a lot lighter than my pro. When I have time at work I prop my bad boy open and type, research or proofread what I have. Prior to doing this I had to think about how much time I was wasting just mindlessly staring at my phone. Idle time should be productive time. I have been working hard to get myself out of sitting in the car when I get off of work. I simply complete one task and move on to the next.

Speaking of time, is there someone in your life right now that you just can't seem to get through to that your time is just as important as their time? I have a solution for you MochaMom, Look Right. What did she say? Stop. That's a good answer.  #MillyMochas Don't you let a single person, not even you waste your time this month! #MochaMoms are busy as hell. The time I spend waiting for someone to confirm something with me I could be doing a clients face, studying, rearranging my room, playing with the girls, talking to God, cleaning the closets, the possibilities are endless! It's hard being a mother, friend, spouse, soror, etc. and the least people in your life can do is return the same amount of effort that you giving them. 




LET US NOT GET THESE FOLK CONFUSED WITH THE ONES WHO MAKE THE TIME BUT ARE DRAINING AS HELL. 
Nope, don't do it. I know that's one of your favorite homegirls but every time ya'll get done hanging out you have to take a nap, do a three-day detox, pray to God for healing of your heart and walk around with a black obsidian yoni egg in your snatch to rid yourself of the negative energy your friend gave to you. You don't have time to be hanging with people just to pick up their heavy ass baggage. You are a person, not FedEx. Picking up packages, bad ones at that is not in your job description.

 Patience. I know this is easier said than done. Just know that everything will come to full circle. A day at a time is how you make it through life. I'm stressed now but I know that tomorrow I will get up, go workout, come home and clean/study/etc. but I will focus on the present and not what I have to do next until I get to the next. Your challenge this month #MochaMom should you accept is to:

1.Breathe 

Everything will be okay mama. Just change the diaper, clean the mess up and move on. 

2.  Protect your Time

Sis, what did we just talk about? Yeah, I know you've been wanting to hang with him for a minute. You have sh*t to do though. He knows you have other obligations and just like his life doesn't come to a screeching halt for you, yours does not stop for him. Pull out your planner and give him some dates where you MAY be able to fit him in.  Tell your whiny ass homegirl you'll call her back when you've finished everything you need to get done. If she asks why, let her know you want to make sure you have time to emotionally regroup after listening to her whine for the millionth time. 

3. Patience

Last but not least, have some patience. The job will call you, your kids will get it right, the paper will be completed and the universe will align for you. Just take it one day at a time. Lean on your support when you need to be keep going. Do what you can then let the universe and God do the rest. I promise, March will be just fine. 

Happy Saturday! 
#IllBeInTouch



Mommies have it hard. We give, give, give until we can't give anymore. It's true, the black woman's slogan is, "F*ck it, I'll do it myself." Many of us spend our entire day giving at work, school and any other obligation then come home to take care of our children and other family members. Women: the true nurturer. Up until last year, I asked myself "What am I doing to nurture myself?" Sure, I keep busy with school, work and the girls but how was I unlocking my true potential and taking care of me? So many days where I am DEAD tired I keep going because I have the automatic response of "so what you're tired, what mother isn't?"  I have to remind myself I am not a lot of mothers. 

Ladies, it's  okay to be tired and sometimes *Whispers quickly* Not have your Sh*t together. By that I mean, sometimes dinner is stuff we scavenge out the cabinet and refrigerator but it manages to hit all the food groups. What is NOT okay is when you are tired because you are giving your all to everyone and not giving anything to YOU. I realized how much not taking care of me even the slightest bit influences everything else in my life (work, school, physical/mental health) for the WORST. Being strong is accepting and knowing you have limits and need breaks. Pace yourself and brace yourself ladies! So you can be all you can be for yourself and for the little person (people if you're blessed with a few like myself) in your life. Your assignment for the week, should you accept #MillyMochas is to make a list of five things to accomplish this month. One goal pertaining to School/Work, Physical, Mental, Motherhood (Family if you're not yet a mommy) and a new experience. I'll start it off! 

1. School/Work

My goal for school/work is to give 110% as soon as I walk in the door all the way until I leave. As far as school, I'm working on my capstone which is 40-50 pages long so if I'm not posting here, ill be typing that. By giving 110% that means showing up on time (Early), taking initiative, furthering my knowledge to help my students and constantly out doing myself..yep staying in my own lane and worrying about what I got going on. 

2. Physical

Ya'll, I Need to get SNATCHED. By snatched I mean I need to become consistent in a healthier lifestyle. My goal for the month is workout three times a week MINIMUM and clean up my eating. Easier said than done but it takes 21 days to make a new habit and there's still 25 days left in BLACK HISTORY MONTH. So, Merritt here I come! 








3. Mental

Ladies, say it with me: "How you treat yourself on the inside, shows on the outside. How you feel about yourself on the inside, will impact your aura on the outside." Saying that, my goal is to get closer to myself and find my mental blocks and remove them. I plan on getting back to mediation and yoga as I feel better connected with myself when I do both. It's important to have all of your chakras unblocked aligned. When one is blocked it messes up the flow of all of your chakras. #MillyMocha you deserve to feel good about yourself. Inside and out. I actually plan on this month making it out to Khepera Wellness Black Girl Magic Yoga class. If anyone knows me they know I love, yoga, DC and celebrating black womanhood so it's OD Lit. 


4. Motherhood
It's Black History Month Power to the People, Power to the Struggle. #FreeAssata Okay sorry ya'll, my inner Black Panther took over. It's also the month for Love. What better goal this month as a mother than to emphasize self-love and pride/love in being black to my beautiful 8 year old. Once a week I plan on introducing her to one notable black woman. I will have her stand in front of the mirror and declare her undying and unconditional love for herself and all that she has to offer this world and herself. In order for our children to know where to go they have to know where they came from and I need them to know they came from greatness. So tomorrow, I'll start with Barbara Easley (No, I didn't pick her because her name is Barbara, I'm totally lying but who cares?) 


5. A New Experience

I'm not really sure about this one yet. I would like to take a pottery or cooking class though so I'm sure it'll be one of those two things. I'll keep you #MillyMochas posted in whatever I do. 

THE RULE IS, if it's not in your five it is not a priority. Focus on pleasing YOU and the rest will follow! Alright ladies, go forth and be #Mocha! Drop your goals below! 

Happy Friday! 
#IllBeInTouch