A place where Black Mothers can celebrate excellence and motherhood.

2:29 PM

Please...Stop asking me to bring my children

by , in
There's nothing like spending time with your children. Its the greatest thing in the world. There's also nothing like spending time with your friends, which is also the greatest thing in the world. Every now and then I like to combine the two; on my terms.  It happens a lot, the conversation typically goes like this:

Friend(s) - "Hey! Do you want to 'XYZ' this weekend?"

Me: - "Uhmm let me see if I can get a sitter, it's my weekend with the girls."

Friend(s) - "Just bring them along! It will be fine!"

Me: - "No thank you, I'll let you know if I find a sitter."

Friend(s) - "Just bring them along! I'll help you with them!"

Spoiler Alert: My friends sometimes don't help like they say. LOL

Just when I thought someone wanted to hang out only with me, my hope and dreams = crushed.

I get it, my friends love my children and my children love them back but sometimes just sometimes I would like to spend time with my friends without a toddler burning the brunch spot down and a teenalescent (teenager/adolescent; she's nine but has the nonchalance of a 14-year-old so here's my word for it) hanging on to our every word as we try to converse about various topics. Its nice after a long week of switching out different hats while wearing your mommy hat to take them all off and just do hood rat S**t with your hoodrat friends.

There are a time and place for everything including when I bring my children to spend time with my friends. Parents, mothers especially are responsible for more than themselves nonstop. While talking with my colleagues once, I talked about the time it takes to dress myself, Tatiyana and Jahara, pack lunches, get them to school/daycare then drive to work I've exhausted myself mentally and physically. My friends who shout "Just bring them!" are great but I'd love to see them "Just bring them!" after spending hours coercing and practically begging a toddler and teenalescent to get dressed and gathered, bonus points if they can handle the meltdowns and outfit changes (because potty training don't care about nobody urgency) before heading out.

So it would be nice if sometimes, just sometimes my friend(s) extend an invite to only me. The mental gymnastics I have trying to buckle down on logistics would decrease by 80% if I only had to figure out how I am going to get myself to an event sans children, stroller, diaper bag, contents in diaper bag (don't act like ya'll never forget to pack extra pull-ups and socks!) and the list goes on. Its all fun and games until there are Cheerios all over the floor and the waiter/waitress is passive-aggressively asking how much longer will we be (cc: the waiter who brought me SIX pairs of chopsticks once because Jahara kept chucking them around the place when I wasn't paying attention.)

At this point, it all makes sense why I eat slowly when my children aren't around, why I take so long to order food and why I like to linger a little; children are ticking time bombs and you've got very little time to detonate them. I also like my mimosas without little fingers dipping into the glass while screaming, "Mommy! This orange juice is cold!" Yes, and now contaminated with cute little germs. I like my mimosas on a table sip cup free and I need my friends to be okay with that. The mall. Oh how I love the mall, I love Sephora, Riley Rose, Steve Madden, etc. It's truly my happy place, which is why I don't bring any child of mine that is younger than age five most times I go. Let me be clear, I am not shaming mothers who bring their children into any of these sacred spaces. Sometimes I have to forego my own boundaries and bring them and we make the best of it (we love the playgrounds inside of malls!)

I realize that sometimes my childless friends forget that I want to see them and would be happy to bring my children and happier to have a break and catch up without the daunting task of chasing children, censoring adult conversation or just enjoying adult activities that may not be children friendly (minds out of the gutter nasties!)

There are so many opportunities where I can bring my children to catch up with my friends; the playground, family oriented events, PG/G rated movies (Incredibles 2 just came out!), the list is endless and just a hint; if the ratio for children to adult is 2:10 then for the love of all things earthbound and beyond,

please stop asking me to bring my children.

What about you momma? How do you feel about the pressure to bring your child(ren) everywhere? Comment below.
8:56 PM

Waving 25 goodbye

by , in
My 25th year on this earth has come to an end. As of two weeks ago, I stepped into 26 surrounded by people who have nothing but love and well wishes for me. There isn't much of a difference in 26; at least I haven't noticed it yet. Twenty-five was truly filled with so many lessons, some that I prepared for and some that knocked me on my ass.
Year 25 showed me that when you love something and someone you show them that by caring for yourself. I learned the importance of setting boundaries, saying no and doing things that make me happy. I had some bumps in twenty-five but nothing serious. Now here I am at twenty-six and I think this will be the year of challenges. This will be the year where I have to show that I can fearfully say no and set boundaries. Maybe this is my year of saying yes (to things that help me) and things that I don't usually do.

Whatever comes I'm ready for it and will do my best to learn from it.

These last two weeks have been super rough and I wreck my brain daily trying to figure out what I'm doing, if I am doing the right thing, blah, blah, blah.

Here I am pushing through. Trying to sit with myself, sit in my darkness as Brené Brown says. I hope that 26 is life-changing for me, in a great way.

26 here we go. Be good to me, help me grow.